"Michell's Weekly Pearl"...(Feeling Used)



an advice column and a question about being used
Woohooo!! Hope this blog post finds you all doing PEARLTASTIC!! Can you tell I’m excited…well I AM! Today we kick off our new series, “Michell’s Weekly Pearl”, where you can ask me ANYTHING(within reason that is)!:-)  If you’ve got a question on relationships, family matters, women’s issues, parenting, marriage, homemaking, or anything in general, and you want an honest, biblical, to the point answer…email me! Here’s how it works! You email me your questions via my email address prowessandpearls@gmail.com (please put in the subject box "MWP") and I’ll post them(along with an answer), on my blog anonymously!


Our first question comes from “Feeling Used". Here’s what she asked…


Hi Michell!

Could you advise on the in-laws (parents and/or siblings) that don't like you (for no apparent reason) and how to handle them.

If you don't like cleaning up and cooking like that and you want to hire a housekeeper to do the cleaning and only want to cook say twice a week (if you feel like it), lol…does that not make you a Proverbs 31 woman?  Especially if you work full-time and do other stuff.

When family members are irresponsible and keep asking you to borrow money (to enable them just because they feel  you have it to throw away), can you advise how to put a stop to it without looking like a jerk.

Thanks!  Looking forward to hearing your replies over the next few weeks/months..however long it takes you to get to them.


Hi  “Feeling Used”!



Unfortunately you can’t do anything about how someone feels about you. But, what you can do something about, is how you feel about them. God doesn’t hold us accountable for other people’s actions, but He DOES hold us accountable for our own actions. Whatever you do, never do the “tit-for-tat” and don't take offense. You want to always make sure you’re holding up your end of the relationship, so when they DO come to their senses, your heart is free and clear and you’re not feeling funny, because you know you’ve done everything you were suppose to do. If you don’t have to contact them, then by all means don’t, but if you do…be cordial! It wouldn't hurt if you know of anything that may have offended them and apologize for it. I know it may seem unfair, BUT in the end you’ll see the reward. Sometimes in-laws dislike because they feel as if you're taking their family member away, and they really don't have anything against you at all(you just happen to be an easy target for their frustration). Proverbs 15:1,2 states it perfectly. You have to be the bigger person, otherwise it will never get resolved. Besides, they’ll look up one day and realize how sweet you really are and will ask themselves…”now why is it that I don’t like her?”. LOL! If that doesn’t work…oh well, you’ve done all you could do. Pray for them and keep it movin’…NEXXTT! 



On to the cleaning and cooking question. If it’s someone other than your husband…tell them to MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS!! I so have a problem with meddlers. We have far too many of those as it is. But, if it is your husband and hiring a housekeeper takes away from the funds and he’s not comfortable with it…that’s another story. You should sit down as a couple and sweetly state your case(please refer to #13 in my post entitled “Michell’s Marriage Musings”). Every household does what works for them. Take me for instance. My husband loves to cook, and he does the grocery shopping…IKR!! Lol! And I’m NOT ashamed to say that he’s better at both of them. That doesn’t make him any less of a husband or me any less of a wife or Proverbs 31 woman, BUT that’s what WE'VE established and it WORKS for US. You all have to establish what works for you and your household…WITHOUT interference from the outside! Whatever you decide...you BOTH must be in agreement, as this is the cause of friction in many marriages.



It doesn’t matter if they think you’re a jerk…they’ll be just fine!! Family members (the ones who are suppose to have your best interest at heart) are sometimes the worst at this! For some reason they think they’re entitled to what YOU’VE worked hard for to support their BAD decisions/habits. With all the kindness/sweetness you can muster, I suggest you put a stop to it NOW or they will suck you dry and move on to the next person once they’ve used all you have. Again, you never have to be mean or contentious, just state your case and stand your ground. Contrary to popular belief…ALL we have BELONGS to God and He holds US accountable for how well we steward over what He’s given us. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes family members may have a legitimate reason for asking for money, in cases like that, use your discretion as to whether you want to help. I’m talking about that family member who never takes responsibility for his/her actions and always wants others to bail them out. In cases like that, you’re enabling them. BY ALL MEANS, whatever you do…(as my husband always says)NEVER let them hold you hostage!! Making you feel as if YOU HAVE to do it for them! They may fuss and have a hissy fit, but they’ll be just fine in a few. Because you’ve established where you stand, they may not ever say it, BUT they WILL respect you more!


 I’ve been married for over 24 years to my husband, a pastor. I’ve worked alongside him in ministry full-time for over 17 years. During that time, we've pioneered two ministries and I've established a women’s ministry(Women of Excellence). We have three adult children and a son-in-law.  My areas of specialty are family, marriage and women’s issues. Hopefully the (Godly)wisdom I’ve learned through my years of experience will lead you to and keep you on the road to doing you well!  As my husband always says...why spend your life going down a road you don't have to travel, when someone else has already learned the lesson and can show you how to avoid that path.  

 Disclaimer: I don't profess to be an expert, but what I have learned...I'm willing to share.  With that being said...what I write on my blog is my opinion and advice. It is not my counsel. This also applies to anyone writing on this blog. If someone uses any advice, opinion or recommendation from this blog and is upset, angered, or harmed in any way, I am not to be held responsible or be held liable in any way. What I write on this blog is not to be taken as fact or absolute. My intention is to do no harm. The content in this blog is the opinion of this blogger and is not intended to disparage or malign anyone or anything that has the ability to be offended. I am not responsible, nor will I be held liable, for anything anyone says on this blog in the blog comments. 

All Rights Reserved copyright© 2012-2013 Michell Pulliam “Prowess and Pearls” Devotionals by Michell Pulliam
Having a blast serving Him !

Xoxoxo
Michell

39 comments:

  1. Michell...stopping by to show some love! (New fan and follower) Love this post and your new series and will be sure to follow! Keep doing God's work!

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    1. Hi Chamel!! Thanks so much for your encouraging words!! Thanks for the follow...followed you back. You have a wonderful blog, btw! Thanks again...may you have a wonderful week!!

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  2. Hey-Sis-Christ! I wanted to show my support and follow your blog. Would you please do the same and follow mine? http://msjrivers.blogspot.com God Bless!!

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  3. P.s. I'm jealous of your template!!

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    1. Hey there AJ!! Thanks so much for the support! Stopped by your blog and followed you back! As far as the template and header...thank you(did the header myself), lol! You can google "how to make blog headers using PicMonkey"...easy peasy! Thanks again...have a lovely week!

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  4. I need to work on that tit for tat thing! Love all your replies and that your husband cooks!!! Great new series.

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    1. Hahaha...thanks Joi! Yes he does and he's gooood at it, lol! Have a good one lady!

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  5. awesome reply! So true about the meddlers, there are so many! Especially when it comes to people's marriages!! awesome series!

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    1. Hey Nellie! Yes, far too many, lol! As the Bible calls them...busy bodies, meddlers in other people's affairs! :-) Thanks for dropping by...have a wonderful evening!

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  6. Loved how you replied to this question!

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    1. Hey Ash!! Thank you girlie...have an awesome week! xoxoxo

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  7. Nice post,

    I wish I would have known this about 13 years ago. The good thing is that I can write down the verses and keep them for when my kids get married to remind myself so I will not become a meddlers in their marriage.

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    1. Hi Patrick! Yep, life is definitely a learning experience isn't it! Kudos to you for passing it on to your children. Hopefully all of our children will learn from our experiences. Thanks for dropping by!

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  8. A well thought out reply seasoned with wisdom Michell. I look forward to other advice you'll be sharing in this new series.

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    1. Thank you so much Wanda for the encouragement and thanks for dropping by lady! Have a blessed evening!

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  9. I really enjoyed reading this post. Great advice!

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    1. Hi Trinity...thanks so much!! Have a good one my friend! :-)

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  10. you are a wise woman! this struck a chord with me, being someone who has had in-law... "difficulties" ;) in the past. thanks for your encouraging and inspiring remarks!

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    1. Hi Emily...haven't we all(well not all of us), lol! There is light at the end of the tunnel though! Thanks so much for dropping by and visiting...have a wonderful evening!

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  11. Now I know who to ask should marriage problems come my way. Right now, I think I still have the handle on my marriage but it's good to know you're just a blog away. Great advice Michell!

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    1. Lol, Anne! Thank you and thanks so much for dropping by...have a lovely evening! :-)

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  12. Great advice, Michell. Regarding #1, I know someone {I swear it's not me. If it were, I wouldn't put it out there} who deals with this each week. Her MIL is very rude to her. When the entire family gets together, her MIL will literally serve everyone at the table but her. Like, completely ignore her. My friend has called her out on this plenty of times, and the lady "pretends" that it's not intentional...and nothing changes. My friend has been the bigger person so many times. Does your advice on #1 still apply, or should my friend {no name given for her privacy} keep her distance? Whatever you say is fine, I just want to get your take on it. :) Thanks so much!!

    XOXO,
    Meredith

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    1. Hey Meredith! I'm sure it must be hard on her. I'm curious to know if her husband has ever talked to his mom about this. She really needs her husband's support on this one. Husbands sometimes take a backseat, when sometimes all that is needed is him talking to his family members to nip it in the bud. A man LEAVES his mother and father and becomes ONE with his wife. If he has and she won't change, then tell your friend, as I stated before...to be on her best behavior. Eventually the MIL will begin to look foolish in the eyes of others, as they will see she's the only one playing in this silly mind game! Hope that helps Meredith! Thanks for chiming in...have a wonderful evening! :-)

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  13. Thank God I don't have in-law issues. My hubby is great at squashing and potential interference...he knows his family.lol. Great advise though because I have a friend wh deals with many of the same issues. I'm emailing this link to her. BlessingS!

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    1. You are so blessed Hope! That's how it should be! Thanks for the reference, lol! Have a wonderful evening my friend! ;-)

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  14. Oh how I LOVE this series Michell!!!! You are going to bless so many women with so many struggles and questions with your wisdom and advice! Your answers are both Godly and prayerfully biblical...and also realistic! I just love that about you. :)

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    1. Awww...thanks my sweet friend!! To God be the glory...it's His wisdom that I rely on! As always, thanks for your support Chris! Have a lovely evening lady! xoxoxo

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  15. This is good stuff. I totally agree with your take on everything. The only thing I would add to the first answer is that I finally realized that my inlays weren't going anywhere, so I'd better do my part and get along.=)

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    1. Hahaha Bernadette!! EXACTLY...they're not going anywhere. Either make the best of it or be miserable. That's why we must always hold up our end of the relationship, regardless of what the other party does. Regardless of who's right or wrong, if both parties are going back and forth...then both parties will look like the problem to anyone outside looking in. That's just how life is. Thanks for stopping by...have an awesome evening!

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  16. new follower from the friend connect hop!
    www.violetlulu.blogspot.com

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    1. Hi Hanna! Thanks so much for dropping by and for the follow...headed over to your blog now! Have a wonderful evening!

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  17. Hi Loving your post
    new follower from GFC blog hop would love if youd follow me to
    hugs xo
    http://sproutingcreativewings.blogspot.com.au/

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    1. Hi Lisa! Thanks so much for the follow...headed to your blog now! Have a good one!

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  18. Michell,

    Such a good word, especially the do not take offense part. We live in such a culture of "take offense at anything and everything". We have lost the art of honour and forgotten how to love each other. I can speak personally to the MIL issue (praises to God that it is not true today but was for about 18 years) but would rather not do it publicly (again it's the honour issue). I would be happy to correspond with anyone who wants a personal perspective (and hopefully godly advice). :)

    Love you, sister!
    Scarlett xo

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    1. Amen Scarlett!! Honor is the key! You're correct, we DO live in a society where people take everything personally and feelings get hurt over almost anything. Yes, praise God, He has a way of smoothing things out, especially when we put our defenses down and do it His way! Thanks for stopping by Scarlett...have a blessed weekend!

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  19. Michell,
    I love this new post! And, I think your advice is great! You can't change people. But, you can certainly treat them as the Lord would treat them. I hope "Feeling Used" discusses this issue with her husband, as he must support her and put an end to any harsh words or attitudes that are directed at his wife...she also must place her attitude to the side. Take care and thanks for hosting another great "get-together" for women. Cynthia

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    1. Hey Cynthia!! I can't stress that enough to spouses(husbands and wives). We must establish with our families from the beginning that we are now husband and wife and we're a team. When we become married we sometimes forget what the Bible says..."we LEAVE our mother and father and WE(husband and wife) become ONE"! Usually when the spouse stands up to their families, most of this is nipped in the bud! Thanks so much Cynthia...have a blessed weekend my friend!

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Thanks so much for dropping by...I really appreciate it! Please check back for a response to your comment, as I post all responses to comments here on the blog, not via email. Please note, as this is a Christian blog...any comment that contains offensive and/or inappropriate language will be sent to the authorities...NAH, but seriously though, they WILL BE deleted. :-) Have a great day...I call you blessed! ;-)