"Michell's Weekly Pearl"...(Drained)

Hi everyone! Welcome to another edition of  "Michell's Weekly Pearl", where I seek Godly wisdom to offer encouragement. If this is your first time visiting, let me tell you a little about my advice series. This is where you can ask me anything(within reason) on marriage, women's issues, family matters, relationships, parenting, homemaking, or life in general. If you want an honest, biblically based, to the point answer; email me your questions via prowessandpearls@gmail.com (please put "MWP" in the subject area). I'll post your question, along with my answer, anonymously. Easy as that! To read more post in this series, you can do so (HERE).

Keep sending those questions in ladies!!! In the meantime, read on to see what "Drained" asked and
feel free to chime in to continue the conversation... 

Hi Michelle, my question is this. I have a friend who is constantly throwing her problems on me. Never does she call to just see how I’m doing, it’s always about what her husband or kids are or aren’t doing right. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friend, but I find myself drained after every conversation with her. How should I handle this situation?

Dear “Drained”,

Most women have run into this problem with friends at one time or another in their lives. Nevertheless, it must be dealt with or it will start to affect you(if it already hasn’t). What you don’t want to happen is for it to build up and you blow up. When that happens, you vent and rant and then feelings get hurt. You must start to wean your friend from you. Whether she’s just using you and being selfish or if she really has issues that she needs help with (spiritually or naturally), either way, you still don’t want to find yourself on the receiving end of her problems. For example, my husband always tells our congregation that he doesn’t want them to ever be dependent on him, but they are to always be dependent on Jesus. We don’t ever want to find ourselves taking the place of God in other people’s lives. Besides, people have a way of spewing their junk on you, and by the time they’re done…they walk away feeling great and you, on the other hand, are left drained and bewildered; and more than likely your whole day is ruined. When YOUR whole day is ruined, it doesn’t help your family one bit. You must make a choice as to whether you’ll keep letting your friend steal your peace or put an end to this hostage takeover of your time. Don’t get me wrong, friends should be there for one another, but it should be a healthy relationship that is always reciprocal. One should never feel as if they’re doing all the giving and not receiving anything from the other person. Contrary to popular belief, most women really don’t like confrontation, especially with someone who is dear to them. With that being said, the best thing to do is to sit down with your friend and explain to her that you love her, but she can no longer keep dumping her problems on you. You MUST set boundaries, letting your friend know what’s acceptable and what’s not, concerning your friendship, otherwise this has the potential to turn ugly. In most cases, people usually get the picture and they already know they’re wrong, they just want to see how far they can push the envelope before a stop is put to it. If she doesn’t like the terms you put on the table, then perhaps that is God’s way of telling you she’s NOT the friend for you. Believe me when I say this, one thing that will come out of it, is that she’ll definitely respect you more for taking a stand. I encourage you to read my post, “Friends...how many of us have them" dealing with this issue. Ruth 1:16-17, Luke 6:31, Romans 12:10. Thanks for your question...hope this helps!

I’ve been married for over 24 years to my husband, a pastor. I’ve worked alongside him in ministry full-time for over 

17 years. During that time, we've pioneered two ministries and I've established a women’s ministry(Women of Excellence). We have three adult children and a son-in-law.  My areas of specialty are family, marriage and women’s issues. Hopefully the (Godly)wisdom I’ve learned through my years of experience will lead you to and keep you on the road to doing you well!  As my husband always says...why spend your life going down a road you don't have to travel, when someone else has already learned the lesson and can show you how to avoid that path.  

Disclaimer: I don't profess to be an expert, but what I have learned...I'm willing to share.  With that being said...what I write on my blog is my opinion and advice. It is not my counsel. This also applies to anyone writing on this blog. If someone uses any advice, opinion or recommendation from this blog and is upset, angered, or harmed in any way, I am not to be held responsible or be held liable in any way. What I write on this blog is not to be taken as fact or absolute. My intention is to do no harm. The content in this blog is the opinion of this blogger and is not intended to disparage or malign anyone or anything that has the ability to be offended. I am not responsible, nor will I be held liable, for anything anyone says on this blog in the blog comments.

All Rights Reserved copyright© 2012-2013 Michell Pulliam “Prowess and Pearls” Devotionals by Michell Pulliam

Having a blast serving Him !

Xoxoxo

Michell