"Michell's Weekly Pearl"...(Is It Abuse)

As always, I thank you for joining me for another edition of  "Michell's Weekly Pearl", where I seek to use Godly wisdom to offer encouragement. If this is your first time visiting, let me tell you a little about my advice series. This is where you can ask me anything on marriage, women's issues, family matters, relationships, parenting, homemaking, or life in general. If you want an honest, biblically based, to the point answer; email me your questions via prowessandpearls@gmail.com (please put "MWP" in the subject area). I'll post your question, along with my answer, anonymously. Easy as that! I'll also delete your email once I've transferred your question. To read all the questions and answers in this series, you can do so (HERE).

Keep sending in those questions!!! In the meantime, read on to see what "Is It Abuse" asked...

Hi Michele,

My fiancée and I are planning to get married next spring.  I’ve bought my dress and have already paid half on my venue. When we first started dating he was verbally abusive to me and now he has started to put his hands on me, nothing too bad, just a shove here and there and twisting of my arm. I should tell you that my parents have only met him a few times and they HATE him, actually everyone in my family hates him. They tell me I should pack up and move back home with them, but I’ve established a life here with him. I understand where they’re coming from, but I love him and he’s the only person I have here with me. I’ve told him how my family feels about him and it just makes him mad. He tells me that I should cut off communication with them, but I know that’s something I will not do! I don’t want to overreact and miss out on a great relationship either. Michele, I’m confused because I have two parties telling me to do two different things and I just don’t know what to do! I should tell you that I’m finding myself afraid to be alone with him…

Hi “Is it Abuse”.  First of all thank you for being brave enough to reach out! So many women are either too scared or too ashamed to do so…so I applaud you! Okay, let’s get down to the nitty gritty. This is a subject that really gets me heated, so please bear with me! Let me first start by saying don't ever for one moment think you deserve this or that you brought this on yourself! I should also say that your dress and venue should be the least of your concerns. I’m concerned about your safety! And your last sentence proves that you are also! I’m no expert, but I’m to assume that when a person is abusive, it starts out small, but then progresses to something greater. You said he started out verbally abusive, but has now started to push/shove you and twist your arm. Let me tell you there’s NOT “nothing too bad” about that, but definitely “a whole lot of something that is”. I’m afraid if he continues to become more and more angry, what his next level of abuse could be. The fact that he wants you to cut off communication with your family should be a red flag. Usually abusers want you to isolate yourself from your loved ones. I can imagine how you must feel though, being away from your family and having him as the only person you really know. But hon, I suggest you find some help ASAP, before you go any further in this relationship, because being married to someone who abuses you takes it to another level. With marriage, comes children and you’ll put them at risk of abuse as well. As far as your family is concerned, DO NOT cut off communication with them. They’re not trying to hurt you, they love you and are only looking out for your safety and best interest.  I’m not telling you what to do, but as a pastor’s wife, I’ve seen way too many situations like this escalate into BIG problems the farther along the relationship goes. I’m not sure where you’re located, but here in South Carolina, we’re ranked in the top 5% in the nation for domestic abuse/murder of women…a sad, but true statistic. I’m not trying to scare you, but am only giving you the facts and I feel so strongly about you getting help. So I’ve included the website for the "The National Domestic Violence HOTLINE". They’ll be able to get you the help you need in the city you’re located in. You can visit their website HERE! I always tell women to never be too afraid to let something go that is not good for them! It may feel awful now, but you're better off in the long run. Do know that you’re not alone, there are so many women out there who have experienced what you’re going through and are in a position to give you the support and help you need. I hope this helps and I pray you visit their website and call. I’ll be praying for you and I’ll keep in touch!  

Readers... 

*Is there a stigma that comes with being a victim of domestic abuse?

*Have you or anyone you know ever experienced domestic abuse, if so, how did you escape?

*Do you think domestic abuse has become an epidemic in our society?

I’ve been married for over 24 years to my husband, a pastor. I’ve worked alongside him in ministry full-time for over 17 years. During that time, we've pioneered two ministries and I've established a women’s ministry(Women of Excellence). We have three adult children and a son-in-law.  My areas of specialty are family, marriage and women’s issues. Hopefully the (Godly)wisdom I’ve learned through my years of experience will lead you to and keep you on the road to doing you well!  As my husband always says...why spend your life going down a road you don't have to travel, when someone else has already learned the lesson and can show you how to avoid that path.  

*Disclaimer*: I don't profess to be an expert, but what I have learned...I'm willing to share.  With that being said...what I write on my blog is my opinion and advice. It is not my counsel. This also applies to anyone writing on this blog. If someone uses any advice, opinion or recommendation from this blog and is upset, angered, or harmed in any way, I am not to be held responsible or be held liable in any way. What I write on this blog is not to be taken as fact or absolute. My intention is to do no harm. The content in this blog is the opinion of this blogger and is not intended to disparage or malign anyone or anything that has the ability to be offended. I am not responsible, nor will I be held liable, for anything anyone says on this blog in the blog comments.

All Rights Reserved copyright© 2012-2013 Michell Pulliam “Prowess and Pearls” by Michell Pulliam

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