"Michell's Weekly Pearl"...(Feeling Used)

Woohooo!! Hope this blog post finds you all doing PEARLTASTIC!! Can you tell I’m excited…well I AM! Today we kick off our new series, “Michell’s Weekly Pearl”, where you can ask me ANYTHING(within reason that is)!:-)  If you’ve got a question on relationships, family matters, women’s issues, parenting, marriage, homemaking, or anything in general, and you want an honest, biblical, to the point answer…email me! Here’s how it works! You email me your questions via my email address prowessandpearls@gmail.com (please put in the subject box "MWP") and I’ll post them(along with an answer), on my blog anonymously!

Our first question comes from “Feeling Used". Here’s what she asked…

Hi Michell!

Could you advise on the in-laws (parents and/or siblings) that don't like you (for no apparent reason) and how to handle them.

If you don't like cleaning up and cooking like that and you want to hire a housekeeper to do the cleaning and only want to cook say twice a week (if you feel like it), lol…does that not make you a Proverbs 31 woman?  Especially if you work full-time and do other stuff.

When family members are irresponsible and keep asking you to borrow money (to enable them just because they feel  you have it to throw away), can you advise how to put a stop to it without looking like a jerk.

Thanks!  Looking forward to hearing your replies over the next few weeks/months..however long it takes you to get to them.

Hi  “Feeling Used”!

Unfortunately you can’t do anything about how someone feels about you. But, what you can do something about, is how you feel about them. God doesn’t hold us accountable for other people’s actions, but He DOES hold us accountable for our own actions. Whatever you do, never do the “tit-for-tat” and don't take offense. You want to always make sure you’re holding up your end of the relationship, so when they DO come to their senses, your heart is free and clear and you’re not feeling funny, because you know you’ve done everything you were suppose to do. If you don’t have to contact them, then by all means don’t, but if you do…be cordial! It wouldn't hurt if you know of anything that may have offended them and apologize for it. I know it may seem unfair, BUT in the end you’ll see the reward. Sometimes in-laws dislike because they feel as if you're taking their family member away, and they really don't have anything against you at all(you just happen to be an easy target for their frustration). Proverbs 15:1,2 states it perfectly. You have to be the bigger person, otherwise it will never get resolved. Besides, they’ll look up one day and realize how sweet you really are and will ask themselves…”now why is it that I don’t like her?”. LOL! If that doesn’t work…oh well, you’ve done all you could do. Pray for them and keep it movin’…NEXXTT! 

On to the cleaning and cooking question. If it’s someone other than your husband…tell them to MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS!! I so have a problem with meddlers. We have far too many of those as it is. But, if it is your husband and hiring a housekeeper takes away from the funds and he’s not comfortable with it…that’s another story. You should sit down as a couple and sweetly state your case(please refer to #13 in my post entitled “Michell’s Marriage Musings”). Every household does what works for them. Take me for instance. My husband loves to cook, and he does the grocery shopping…IKR!! Lol! And I’m NOT ashamed to say that he’s better at both of them. That doesn’t make him any less of a husband or me any less of a wife or Proverbs 31 woman, BUT that’s what WE'VE established and it WORKS for US. You all have to establish what works for you and your household…WITHOUT interference from the outside! Whatever you decide...you BOTH must be in agreement, as this is the cause of friction in many marriages.

It doesn’t matter if they think you’re a jerk…they’ll be just fine!! Family members (the ones who are suppose to have your best interest at heart) are sometimes the worst at this! For some reason they think they’re entitled to what YOU’VE worked hard for to support their BAD decisions/habits. With all the kindness/sweetness you can muster, I suggest you put a stop to it NOW or they will suck you dry and move on to the next person once they’ve used all you have. Again, you never have to be mean or contentious, just state your case and stand your ground. Contrary to popular belief…ALL we have BELONGS to God and He holds US accountable for how well we steward over what He’s given us. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes family members may have a legitimate reason for asking for money, in cases like that, use your discretion as to whether you want to help. I’m talking about that family member who never takes responsibility for his/her actions and always wants others to bail them out. In cases like that, you’re enabling them. BY ALL MEANS, whatever you do…(as my husband always says)NEVER let them hold you hostage!! Making you feel as if YOU HAVE to do it for them! They may fuss and have a hissy fit, but they’ll be just fine in a few. Because you’ve established where you stand, they may not ever say it, BUT they WILL respect you more!

 I’ve been married for over 24 years to my husband, a pastor. I’ve worked alongside him in ministry full-time for over 17 years. During that time, we've pioneered two ministries and I've established a women’s ministry(Women of Excellence). We have three adult children and a son-in-law.  My areas of specialty are family, marriage and women’s issues. Hopefully the (Godly)wisdom I’ve learned through my years of experience will lead you to and keep you on the road to doing you well!  As my husband always says...why spend your life going down a road you don't have to travel, when someone else has already learned the lesson and can show you how to avoid that path.  

 Disclaimer: I don't profess to be an expert, but what I have learned...I'm willing to share.  With that being said...what I write on my blog is my opinion and advice. It is not my counsel. This also applies to anyone writing on this blog. If someone uses any advice, opinion or recommendation from this blog and is upset, angered, or harmed in any way, I am not to be held responsible or be held liable in any way. What I write on this blog is not to be taken as fact or absolute. My intention is to do no harm. The content in this blog is the opinion of this blogger and is not intended to disparage or malign anyone or anything that has the ability to be offended. I am not responsible, nor will I be held liable, for anything anyone says on this blog in the blog comments. 

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Having a blast serving Him !

Xoxoxo

Michell