"Michell's Weekly Pearl"...(She Said What)



an advice column/question dealing with miserable people
Hi everyone! Thanks for joining me for another edition of  "Michell's Weekly Pearl", where I seek to use Godly wisdom to offer encouragement. If this is your first time visiting, let me tell you a little about my advice series. This is where you can ask me anything on marriage, women's issues, family matters, relationships, parenting, homemaking, or life in general. If you want an honest, biblically based, to the point answer; email me your questions via prowessandpearls@gmail.com (please put "MWP" in the subject area). I'll post your question, along with my answer, anonymously. Easy as that! I'll also delete your email once I've transferred your question. To read all the questions and answers in this series, you can do so (HERE).

Keep sending those questions in!!! In the meantime, read on to see what "She Said What?!" asked...

I’ve got a hairdresser who’s done my hair for years and I love her. I’ve been going to her because my mother and sister and whole family goes there. We go to the same church and sing on the choir together. Also, her husband is an elder at the church. I remember a post you wrote where you talked about people getting emotionally connected to the wrong people without watching their fruit first, well I didn’t watch her fruit and here I am today.  She speaks so badly about her husband and she feeds off of women who have marital issues. I would never pay it any attention. But once I got engaged she would say things like marriage is like living in hell and the first ten years are going to be rough and blah, blah, blah. I still wouldn’t pay it any attention, I’d just look at her as my wonderful hairdresser, so I thought. But, since I got married, God has really opened my eyes to who is for me and who is against me. I’m very sensitive and I know I need to work on that, but I’m growing up. Well, the other day, someone asked me if me and my husband were celebrating our one year anniversary soon, and I said yes and we’re very excited! Well, you know who said, in a sarcastic way, “who would have thought”, as if she was surprised we were still happy. I was like, huh? Then she proceeded to say stuff like, you better enjoy it now, because it won’t last long. You will go through and things will change, you won’t enjoy your marriage anymore and the honeymoon won’t last forever. For once in my life I had to speak up. And of course she had a response. It broke my heart. Every since I got married, I’ve been attacked and it really hurts, because I know marriage can be a beautiful thing. I get ridiculed for being happily married and I feel uncomfortable being happy and expressing my love for my husband around women like that. My question is this. How did you and your husband handle backlash, if any? Also, what advice would you give to newlyweds who are learning there are people who are not for them?  I’m having a hard time dealing with this. I’m really sensitive and I know I need to be delivered from people. My husband on the other hand let’s this stuff roll off his back.  I know this is spiritual warfare and I know I need to learn how to let these things go and I was led to ask you.




"Hi “She said what?!....”. Thank you so much for your question!  First of all, it’s very sad that the wife of an elder in your church(who is suppose to be an example to you), would have such awful things to say about the institution of marriage. It’s a wonder how many young couples today are making it, if their advice is coming from such poor examples. The Bible tells us in Titus 2:3-5 …”the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given much to wine, teachers of good things- that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”  Those are not my words, they are God’s words. If someone is not doing that, then that's your clue...you should not take advice from them, regardless of who they are. It’s sad to say that far too many older women these days are not living up to these verses and it’s a shame, because our young ladies are not being taught. I’m not sure what has made your friend so miserable, perhaps her husband doesn’t treat her right or she could just be a surly woman. But one thing I’ve come to realize is that many people( sadly, to say, those in the Body of Christ), have become bitter. And one thing bitter people do is spew their bitterness all over the place, like vomit, with no regard as to where or who it lands on. They make it a point that everyone around them is as miserable as they are. Unfortunately there are people in this world who hate to see other people happy. Whatever you do, never let anyone make you feel bad about being blessed. The Bible's definition of blessed...is to be envied, so get used to it my friend! ;-) Everyone who's blessed goes through it every now and then. My suggestion to you, is that you find another hairdresser. You’ve shared your heart with her and she’s let you know in no uncertain terms,  that she doesn’t care if what she says offends you.  It’s not worth it to stay around people who will spew their poison onto you. I don’t care who they are…family, friends, etc. It will start to wear on you if you’re not careful. I know they say hairdressers are like doctors, they are few and far between.:-) But I believe God will lead you to someone who not only has a sweet spirit, but who will give you the “hook up”! Lol! But seriously, don’t ever let ANYONE steal your joy! The joy that we have comes from God above.  A lesson my husband and I learned a long time ago is that we must be a united front against the enemy AND we must be delivered from people…delivered from what THEY think, from their views about us and from how they think we should live.  If you say you love her, like I’m sure you do…please pray for her. Pray that God heals her hurting heart and that he opens her eyes to see the damage she’s doing. Thanks so much for your question…hope this helps! Praying for the both of you."

Readers...have any of you ever experienced this? If so, what did you do?


I’ve been married for over 24 years to my husband, a pastor. I’ve worked alongside him in ministry full-time for over 17 years. During that time, we've pioneered two ministries and I've established a women’s ministry(Women of Excellence). We have three adult children and a son-in-law.  My areas of specialty are family, marriage and women’s issues. Hopefully the (Godly)wisdom I’ve learned through my years of experience will lead you to and keep you on the road to doing you well!  As my husband always says...why spend your life going down a road you don't have to travel, when someone else has already learned the lesson and can show you how to avoid that path.  


*Disclaimer*: I don't profess to be an expert, but what I have learned...I'm willing to share.  With that being said...what I write on my blog is my opinion and advice. It is not my counsel. This also applies to anyone writing on this blog. If someone uses any advice, opinion or recommendation from this blog and is upset, angered, or harmed in any way, I am not to be held responsible or be held liable in any way. What I write on this blog is not to be taken as fact or absolute. My intention is to do no harm. The content in this blog is the opinion of this blogger and is not intended to disparage or malign anyone or anything that has the ability to be offended. I am not responsible, nor will I be held liable, for anything anyone says on this blog in the blog comments.


All Rights Reserved copyright© 2012-2013 Michell Pulliam “Prowess and Pearls” Devotionals by Michell Pulliam


19 comments:

  1. Michell, your words are right on! I learned early on in my Christian walk to be very careful whom I took spiritual advice from and, yes, offers for prayers and uplifting. There are, sadly, some people that are praying against the very things you are striving to achieve because of their insecurities and regrets. It's so disheartening that this woman is nurturing seeds of discord into the marriages of those she comes in contact with. She has the gift of making woman look beautiful and is in a position to speak positive, uplfiting words of life into their marriages, spirits and homes yet chooses to do just the opposite. I'm praying that "She said what?" finds a new hairdresser immediately and continues to let others know how wonderful it is to be married, in love and covered by God's blessings. Our churches and communities need more examples of positive, strong, healthy relationships.

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    1. So true Michelle! We need more examples of "Titus 2" women and less examples of "Big Mouth Berthas"! The Body of Christ and our communities are inundated with the latter. But as Believers, God holds us accountable for what we let get into our spirits, especially when He's given us the tool(the Holy Spirit) to discern. Thanks so much for stopping by and chiming in Michelle...have a wonderful weekend! :-)

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  2. Yes and Amen, Michell. There is NOTHING wrong with being happily married and proud of it. And I should add...our words carry so much power. I can hardly tolerate hearing people speak these negative, bitter words over their life and everyone else's. If we keep talking about our problems, we're always going to have them.

    XOXO,
    Meredith

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    1. Exactly Meredith! I realized a long time ago that there would be people in our lives who dislike us because we were happy...go figure. I figured hey, that's their issue, not mine. It is so annoying hearing people spew, as if, God has never blessed them with anything. Those same people are the same ones who are always having problems. Thanks for stopping by Meredith...have a good one my friend!

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  3. I was curious to hear your reply Michell. I was reading, like what's the problem? Find a new hair dresser or adopt your husband's traits! I guess that is why I was line named "Nonchalant". I hope the writer doesn't take offense, but that lady has nothing to do with your marriage. Read a book or better yet some blogs :) while you're in the chair and ignore her.

    Michell, why am I always acting like they asked for my 2 cents, lol! I love these...get your Steve Harvey on boo...in a biblical way that is.

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    1. Hahaha Joi! Why.am.I.not.surprised.your line name was "Nonchalant"...too funny! Now Joi, you know everybody can't be like us, letting everything roll off their backs and tuning people out. Girl you are too funny! BTW...I LOVE your 2 cents, keep them coming! Thank you...I'm putting that on my "bucket list"! :-) Have a lovely weekend lady!

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  4. It's a shame to read about an older woman spreading such bitterness. Obviously she has experienced some disappointment in her marriage. But she has no right to poison others with her negativity.

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    1. It is Wanda, isn't it? I sure hope she doesn't have daughters...if she does, I pray for them. Bitterness is an awful pill to swallow and it makes our lives a miserable one! Thanks for stopping by Wanda, have a blessed weekend!

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  5. I felt like I asked this question. For 5 years of being married, we have had his family.completely against us. Don't let people take you under. Keep your head up and fight for your marriage and your happiness. Michell you gave an.amazing response. I needed to hear it for my own heart!

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    1. Oh wow Ash, I'm so glad it blessed you my friend! People can be so cruel. So glad you and your husband became a united front! Thanks so much and thanks for stopping by...love ya! xoxoxo

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    1. Hey Denise! Thank you my sweet friend...have a blessed weekend!

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  7. Wow. What a sad sad woman to be so bitter and shed all that negativity to this precious newlywed who is in love and just setting sail for a lifetime of being married.
    There truly are people that seem to never change, and this woman seems to be one of them.
    I absolutely agree that this sweet young love should not stay around her. Period.
    Marriage should be honored and this is the last thing this sweet soul needs around her.

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  8. I think it is so sad that she chose to spread bitterness instead of kindness.

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  9. I think it's best to stay away from people like her. Such negativity can be draining. Still, I pity her. She must have had some rough patches in her marriage but being negative isn't going to change her or any of her relationships.

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  10. The trick is to constantly remind yourself that God chose your man for you because he is the best man for you. He is your blessing and your treasure - your personal gift from God. Like your children. When it gets rough, and it will, run to your God before you run to your fellow women for advice.
    I pray your hairdresser finds grace and peace at the feet of Jesus so her marriage can be restored and renewed.

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  11. I agree...it's so sad that women who are supposed to be a Godly example can make comments like that and speak ill about her marriage and other people's marriage. People tend to make judgments about others based off of their own experience and unhappiness. Thankfully, marriage is a process and a growing opportunity. Hopefully, the writer will learn and become stronger and thick skinned

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  12. Oh, how I love your Weekly Pearls :) They always seem to relate to things currently happening in my life, so I can empathize. If you get the chance, I'd love for you to drop by my blog. I'm hosting a giveaway for a $75 giftcard to Target :) Hope you're having a fabulous week!

    xo,
    Stephanie
    Diary of a Debutante
    www.stephanieziajka.blogspot.com

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  13. As a young woman, who desires to be very happily married one day, I'm learning in my single life to disconnect from those whose values, behaviors and positivity don't line up with mine. We must be vigilant in guarding our spirit! I've adopted a philosophy that I try to live up to and that's - "why should I allow someone else to make me uncomfortable?!" If someone is doing or saying something that bothers me - it is my responsibility to say something to them about it. If they disregard how I feel, then I'll disconnect myself from that person.

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Thanks so much for dropping by...I really appreciate it! Please check back for a response to your comment, as I post all responses to comments here on the blog, not via email. Please note, as this is a Christian blog...any comment that contains offensive and/or inappropriate language will be sent to the authorities...NAH, but seriously though, they WILL BE deleted. :-) Have a great day...I call you blessed! ;-)