"Michell's Weekly Pearl"...(Not Like the Others)

an advice column question about choosing friends
Hi everyone...thank you for joining me for another edition of  "Michell's Weekly Pearl", where I seek to use Godly wisdom to offer encouragement. If this is your first time visiting, let me tell you a little about my advice series. This is where you can ask me anything on marriage, women's issues, family matters, relationships, parenting, homemaking, or life in general. If you want an honest, biblically based, to the point answer; email me your questions via prowessandpearls@gmail.com (please put "MWP" in the subject area). I'll post your question, along with my answer, anonymously. Easy as that! I'll also delete your email once I've transferred your question. To read all the questions and answers in this series, you can do so (HERE).

Keep sending in those questions!!! In the meantime, read on to see what "Not Like the Others" asked...


Hi Miss Michelle.  I’m a freshman in college.  I’m use to having only a few close friends and I’m fine with that, because I really don’t like being around a lot of people anyway. I’ve never been a very sociable person, but being on this college campus without any of the friends I had in high school is a little hard to get adjusted to. I wouldn’t call myself a goody two-shoes, but the only thing the girls in my dorm do, is party and hang out with boys and that’s not my style at all. My mom thinks I’m weird and thinks that I should loosen up?  I should let you know that I’m the oddball in my family(I’m saved and they’re not). Do you think something is wrong with me because I don’t like doing all the things that most teenagers do?


"First and foremost, I want to thank you for your question sweetie.  And secondly, I want to scream to you NOOOO, I DON’T think there’s ANYTHING wrong with you, AT ALL! As a matter of fact, I see a lot of “right” with you. It seems to me that you’ve got a pretty good head on your shoulders for someone your age…and I applaud you! Unfortunately, some people aren’t able to see that. I hate to see others try to steer young people away from doing the right thing....go figure! Whatever you do, hold on to your principles and values, don’t let anyone shake you!  You’ve established early on a set of values that will take you a long way in this life. Many women twice your age haven’t grasped that concept yet. Do know that what you have is special, why, because obviously no one taught you, it was given to you by Someone, if you know what I mean.;-) Yes, you probably feel like an oddball, but do know that you’re NOT. Let’s just say that God has set you apart from the crowd. You possess the attributes of a leader, and sometimes as a leader...we do NOTHING the crowd does.  It’s sad that far too many young people are followers. They’ll follow the crowd wherever it’ll lead them, with no thought about the circumstances or fallout. Believe me when I tell you this…you aren’t missing anything! I was a stupid teenager once and I’m so glad I “came to myself” before it was too late. Because guess what, after our teenage years, comes adulthood. And if a plan isn’t set in place...more than likely, that person will just become an overgrown teenager. That’s why you see 30 and 40 year old women acting like teenagers and the sad part is, they’ve raised a generation of girls who grow up doing the same thing! Now aren’t you glad you escaped, lol! If you want to make some friends, I know(not a lot),  I suggest you find and join some groups that interest you and I’m sure you’ll find a few people  “of like mind” as yours.  Also, find a local church and get involved with the youth there. I’m sure they will welcome you with open arms. Again, I encourage you to stay focused on your goals…you have a very bright future young lady! If you ever have any questions, please email me! Hope this helps dear….keeping you in my prayers! Have a blessed weekend!" 1 Timothy 4:12

Readers...
 
Have you ever had someone try to talk you out of doing what was right? If so, how did you handle it?

What advice would you give to a young person on how to handle this? 


I’ve been married for over 24 years to my husband, a pastor. I’ve worked alongside him in ministry full-time for over 17 years. During that time, we've pioneered two ministries and I've established a women’s ministry(Women of Excellence). We have three adult children and a son-in-law.  My areas of specialty are family, marriage and women’s issues. Hopefully the (Godly)wisdom I’ve learned through my years of experience will lead you to and keep you on the road to doing you well!  As my husband always says...why spend your life going down a road you don't have to travel, when someone else has already learned the lesson and can show you how to avoid that path.  


*Disclaimer*: I don't profess to be an expert, but what I have learned...I'm willing to share.  With that being said...what I write on my blog is my opinion and advice. It is not my counsel. This also applies to anyone writing on this blog. If someone uses any advice, opinion or recommendation from this blog and is upset, angered, or harmed in any way, I am not to be held responsible or be held liable in any way. What I write on this blog is not to be taken as fact or absolute. My intention is to do no harm. The content in this blog is the opinion of this blogger and is not intended to disparage or malign anyone or anything that has the ability to be offended. I am not responsible, nor will I be held liable, for anything anyone says on this blog in the blog comments.
All Rights Reserved copyright© 2012-2013 Michell Pulliam “Prowess and Pearls” by Michell Pulliam



 






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32 comments:

  1. I had to really learn how to say NO to people, and YES to Jesus and what He wanted me to do, even if it wasn't a popular decision. Hope this helps! Love you Michell!

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    1. Hey Ash! That's what you have to do girl...say no to people and yes to Jesus! Brings to mind...Matthew 10:28, "And do not fear those who kill the body, but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.". Thanks for stopping by!

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  2. We should all commend this young woman!

    But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; (1 Peter 2:9)

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    1. I agree Trinity...she's not letting anyone move her off of her principles! AMEN...love that verse!

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  3. My heart goes out to this reader. It's hard to say no when there's no one to back you up. It hurts your self-esteem when you must stand alone, and companionship is so important. I second your advice on joining a local church that has a solid college group. I encourage her to pray for the Lord to send her divine friendships. Can she join a sorority? There are plenty of Christian gals in sororities. (I was one, and there were a lot that I knew.) No matter what she does, I would piggyback your attitude on "Don't compromise your values no matter what." Lastly, does she have a blog? If not, she could make very meaningful friendships this way, that would probably help out while forming real-life ones at school.

    Love this weekly blog. XOXO

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    1. Hey Meredith!! IKR...sometimes adults(the ones who are suppose to be teaching children morals) can be so ignorant! I love your idea about her having a blog. I'm not sure if she does or not, but I can find out and make that suggestion! Thanks for dropping by! xoxo

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  4. Mechell -
    I love that you're offering such support and advice! Amen to what you said, too. I think it is fortunate that you exist and are open to being a wonderful guiding mentor.
    heather @ Exalted Peacock stopping by from SITS. Happy Sharefest

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    1. Hi Heather! Awww...thank you so much! To whom much is given much is required...I'm grateful for what the Holy Spirit has taught me, so I pass it on. Thanks again for your encouraging words! Have a blessed rest of your week! ;)

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  5. This sweetie pie KNOWS who she is and is AMAZINGLY faithful and BEAUTIFULLY strong. I am just so impressed with her judgement and her moral standard at such a young age.
    We could ALL learn from HER!!!!

    To the girl- stay faithful honey. Years from now, you will be SO GLAD you did!! I made horrible mistakes when I was your age, and I regret every last one of them now. YOU will never regret staying true to your morals and values in all aspects of your life- no matter where the pressure comes from,

    Oh how happy this makes the LORD!!! You will also be an incredible role model for those who are lost at that age. Please trust your heart. It is good. And in doing so, there are SO many souls that see Jesus in YOU!!

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    1. Awesome Chris...such encouraging words for her! Oh yes, she'll be so grateful years down the road for sticking to her principles! Thanks my friend for chiming in!

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  6. Good advice - sounds like a lot of peer pressure and hope she can not give into it.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog - I appreciate your comment :)

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    1. Hi Susan! Thank you and you're so welcome! Have a wonderful evening!

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  7. Good response & I appreciate the questioner sharing with us that she is saved at such an impressionable age with a huge peer pressure issue to deal with.

    I ditto Michell in advising you look for a Christian organization on campus, but be careful...we had a crazy freak group walking around with red paint in their hands all the time...don't fall for whack job cults in your desire to walk as a beacon of light. You sound very intelligent in dealing with your family, hold on to that judgement when choosing memberships and a new church family.

    Oh, and look for a church that'll pick you up AND has a college age Sunday dinner ministry :) Readers don't judge me....that food after the church I joined under watch care was a blessing!!!

    All the best with your academics Hun!

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    1. Thank you Joi! You're so right about the religious groups...some of them can be C.R.A.Z.Y! I can count on you girl to add some humor, but you're not even lying...a college student can't live off of Ramen noodles and hamburger patties forever!Lol! Yes ma'am...a good home cooked meal is ALWAYS a blessing! Have a good one girl! ;)

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  8. Oh, video came up this a.m.! Lovely, he did an amazing job. That song is the perfect welcome to this anointed blog!

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  9. I wanted to invite you to the Friday Flash Blog Party, the best linky in town! I hope you'll join us and link up. Who knows. You may just get highlighted!

    The party goes on ALL weekend.

    Jennifer @ The Jenny Evolution
    www.thejennyevolution.com

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  10. Saying No was an important lesson that I had (and still am learning) to do. Not everyone will have the same principles as you, and that's okay. You know what you need in life, and what you want out of it. Never let anyone make you feel like you're doing wrong, when all you are doing is living the best possible you.

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    1. Yes Kalley...learning where to draw that line can be difficult, but thank God the more we do it...the better we get at it! ;-) Thanks so much for stopping by, have a wonderful evening!

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  11. This young lady is on the right track. I agree, find liked minded people who you connect with. Joining a local church (pray & ask God to lead you to the right place of worship) will open many doors regarding meeting fellow young adults to bond with. On my college campus, there were/are also Christian groups to join; this may be available on your campus as well.

    God will guide you! Praying for you; don't compromise on YOU or GOD for anyone.

    Blessings!

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    1. Hey Lisi! Praying will definitely be the key to her finding the right place of worship and the right friendships. Praise Him...He's been leading her right this far! :-)

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  12. Hi Michell! I loved you advice to this young lady. I am sorry that her Mom is making her feel worse about her situation.

    My daughter was just like this, she didn't drink and she didn't hang out with the guys. Instead, she did things with her roommate, got involved in church ministry, and volunteered. She ended up meeting her mate at that college too! You can have a full school experience without beer and drugs.

    Good luck and blessings for some like-minded friends for you!
    Ceil

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    1. Hey Ceil! Exactly, our daughter was the same way in college! She kept her principles and morals the entire time...thank.you.Jesus! It does make your heart swell when your children actually walk out the principles they've been taught, doesn't it? She met her husband on campus as well. He wasn't a student there, but he just happened to be visiting. A true testament that God will order your steps when you do it His way! Thanks for stopping by...have a blessed evening!

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  13. This is heart breaking. I knew a young lady who's parents did the same thing to her. She was a shy teenager, enjoyed being home with her siblings, playing video games, and wasn't interested in alot of things most kids her age were. She enjoyed being a kid! Her parents found fault in this and said this wasn't normal for her age, encouraged her to go out more, wanted her to learn to drive, and hang out more with her friends. Well, she did. She found an interesting group of young ladies to hang with, who always covered for her when she was actually hanging out with a boy she met, and when she was 17 she introduced her parents to her 22 year old boyfriend. By then the parents were at their wits end, and couldn't figure out what went wrong.

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    1. WOW! So sad and CRAZY! You know, parents don't realize they will be accountable for how they raise their children. The Bible teaches us that if we cause any child to sin, it would be better for them to have a millstone around his neck and be thrown into the sea! God takes this very serious...shame.on.them! Thanks so much for stopping by...have a great evening! ;-)

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  14. Oh, Michelle - I know that girl. I was that girl. I wish someone had told me that 1) I am the way I am because God designed me that way - He put special gifts and love languages in me that are beautiful - not things New Years resolutions need to eradicate, and 2) - that someone had understood something God put inside me when I reached out to Him when I was in grade school - the ability to wait for God's man for me - and that there will be many awesome men who look good on paper (love God, work hard, treat me well) - but there's nothing wrong with me because I don't romantic love them - it's because they are not the one God has for me. I wish someone had explained to me about what I call being a Forever Girl - 'cause that is what this sweet girl is - she's a forever girl waiting for her forever man:)

    http://bluecottonmemory.wordpress.com/2013/08/13/a-forever-girl/

    Love your heart Michelle:)

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    1. Thank you so much! Yes, unfortunately there are far too many young people who have fallen through the cracks because no one was there to minister to them, sigh... Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your story...have a blessed evening my friend! :-)

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  15. It is really hard when it seems like no one has your back. But I found this interesting, because I see some parallels in my own kids. My oldest is not a leader per se, but he will not follow the crowd in anything that isn't right. He has his own convictions and sense of right and wrong and more than once has hung back and said no, I'm not doing that. My middle child is a born leader, and also has very strong convictions. I won't say my kids have never done something wrong, because they have, but they immediately feel terrible after and try to make it right. My youngest has on occasion followed the crowd and not known how to deal with the situation. I hope that we are giving him the tools to learn how to be stronger with that.

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  16. Your advice is great, Michell - finding a group or two she can connect with will help this teen find her place and make friends in a smaller, more intimate setting that she will be more comfortable with. It takes a little while to make those connections, but once she does I suspect the college experience will be wonderful.

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Thanks so much for dropping by...I really appreciate it! Please check back for a response to your comment, as I post all responses to comments here on the blog, not via email. Please note, as this is a Christian blog...any comment that contains offensive and/or inappropriate language will be sent to the authorities...NAH, but seriously though, they WILL BE deleted. :-) Have a great day...I call you blessed! ;-)