"Michell's Weekly Pearl"...(Breaking Point)

Hi everyone! Welcome to another edition of  "Michell's Weekly Pearl", where I seek Godly wisdom to offer encouragement. If this is your first time visiting, let me tell you a little about my advice series. This is where you can ask me anything(within reason) on marriage, women's issues, family matters, relationships, parenting, homemaking, or life in general. If you want an honest, biblically based, to the point answer; email me your questions via prowessandpearls@gmail.com (please put "MWP" in the subject area). I'll post your question, along with my answer, anonymously. Easy as that! To read more post in this series, you can do so (HERE).

Keep sending those questions in ladies!!! In the meantime, read on to see what "Breaking Point" asked...

Hi Michelle,

My question is this. I love my mother-in-law(she’s a sweetheart), BUT she has become a pain. Every since my husband and I got married, she has done nothing but offer her advice on EVERYTHING! This includes our marriage, how we raise our kids, how and what I cook, the list goes on and on! Michelle I think I’ve come to a breaking point and I can’t take it anymore. I feel like I’m going to blow a gasket and I don’t want to go there. How should I handle this already fragile situation so that I don’t hurt her feelings? Like I said, she is a sweet lady, but I can’t keep living like this.  I should also let you know that my husband and I have been married for almost 6 years. What should I do?

Hi "Breaking Point",

Your question is one that many daughters-in-law encounter. Usually, however, it’s solved within the first few months of marriage. Not to make light of your situation, I couldn’t help but envision Marie from, “Everybody Loves Raymond”, as I read your question. As you mentioned, it seems as if she is a very reasonable person, just a bit overbearing! It looks as if (outside of this situation), everyone involved gets along pretty well. If this is the case I would suggest, because it is your husband’s mother, he should sit down with her and nicely, but firmly explain to her how her behavior is making you feel. Of course, this may come as a shock to her because she has obviously never been confronted. This is a mistake many couples make. They don’t set boundaries, matters get out of hand and unfortunately you’re left with a situation like yours. Because she has been allowed to do this without any opposition, she may feel as if she’s not doing anything wrong. This is why you must be careful in your approach, as you've stated you don't want to hurt her feelings. Your husband may feel uncomfortable doing this, as many men find it hard to confront their mothers. This is the main reason why a situation like yours is allowed to linger for so long. Most men whose mothers were overbearing to them usually don’t see a problem when she begins to do it to his family. He, nor his mother mean no harm, they just don’t know any other way of doing things. If your husband doesn’t want to do this alone, I suggest you both set a game plan to confront your mother-in-law together. Whatever you do, don’t let her sweet disposition make you let up on your stipulations. More than likely this is what has taken place in times past, but don’t be fooled this time. Remember, you and your husband are a united force. Again, sweetly, but FIRMLY let your mother-in-law know in no uncertain terms that you love her and appreciate her concern for your family, however, you’re more than capable taking care of your family and you know what’s best for YOUR family. And if ever you should need advice on anything, she would be the first person you would come to. Remember, everything doesn't have to be a fight or a shouting match. Things can be resolved peacefully.  If your husband does not want to be a part of it at all, then you, by yourself should sit down with your mother-in-law, using the same tactic as I mention. If all else fails, I suggest that you all get an unbiased third party involved, i.e.(spiritual counseling, marriage counselor, etc.) Romans 12:8. I pray you’ll be able to resolve this. Thanks so much for your question, have a great weekend!

I’ve been married for over 24 years to my husband, a pastor. I’ve worked alongside him in ministry full-time for over 

17 years. During that time, we've pioneered two ministries and I've established a women’s ministry(Women of Excellence). We have three adult children and a son-in-law.  My areas of specialty are family, marriage and women’s issues. Hopefully the (Godly)wisdom I’ve learned through my years of experience will lead you to and keep you on the road to doing you well!  As my husband always says...why spend your life going down a road you don't have to travel, when someone else has already learned the lesson and can show you how to avoid that path.  

Disclaimer: I don't profess to be an expert, but what I have learned...I'm willing to share.  With that being said...what I write on my blog is my opinion and advice. It is not my counsel. This also applies to anyone writing on this blog. If someone uses any advice, opinion or recommendation from this blog and is upset, angered, or harmed in any way, I am not to be held responsible or be held liable in any way. What I write on this blog is not to be taken as fact or absolute. My intention is to do no harm. The content in this blog is the opinion of this blogger and is not intended to disparage or malign anyone or anything that has the ability to be offended. I am not responsible, nor will I be held liable, for anything anyone says on this blog in the blog comments.

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Michell