"Michell's Weekly Pearl"...(Unwanted Advice)

Hope you all have had a wonderful week so far! I thank you for joining me for another edition of  "Michell's Weekly Pearl", where I seek to use Godly wisdom to offer encouragement. If this is your first time visiting, let me tell you a little about my advice series. This is where you can ask me anything on marriage, women's issues, family matters, relationships, parenting, homemaking, or life in general. If you want an honest, biblically based, to the point answer; email me your questions via prowessandpearls@gmail.com (please put "MWP" in the subject area). I'll post your question, along with my answer, anonymously. Easy as that! I'll also delete your email once I've transferred your question. To read all the questions and answers in this series, you can do so (HERE).

Keep sending in those questions!!! In the meantime, read on to see what "Unwanted Advice" asked...

 

I finally got up the nerve to actually ask you a question! I am the youngest of four girls. When I say youngest, I mean youngest (my older sister is old enough to be my mother).  I had my first child a year ago. I’m 30 something, so you can say I started pretty late having kids. This is where the problem lies. Because I am the youngest and my older sisters have kids that are in college or married, they’re always giving me unsolicited advice about raising my daughter. When I say always, I mean ALWAYS. I should tell you, I’ve never asked for their advice. Don't get me wrong, my sisters love me and they would do anything for me, but it’s gotten to the point where I sometimes cringe when I see them coming.  How do I tactfully let them know they are overbearing and I don’t want any advice from them anymore?

"Hi “Unwanted Advice”! Oh the joy of being the “baby” sister! Not making light of your situation at all! I say that, because the “baby” sister ALWAYS has more than one mother! Your first problem lies in the fact that you ARE the youngest, and I mean youngest. More than likely when you were younger, because of your big age difference, your older sisters took care of you, i.e.(babysat when your parents needed them to, protected you from ANYONE who they thought was picking on you, and all the other things big sisters do to protect their little sisters). As you mentioned, your oldest sister is old enough to be your mother, so I’m sure she took great pride in taking care of her "little" sister. Hear me out when I say this. They really mean you no harm, they’re just doing what they’ve always known to do…and that is to mother you! So, to expect someone to stop “cold turkey” what they’ve always done, is going to be, well let’s just say…a little hard.  BUT, that in no way makes it right! I’m just saying, cut them a little slack, they just have to be taught! Lol! Guess who's the best one to teach them...you! What you want to do first(as I tell everyone, I give advice to) is have your game plan down. :-) Let them know you appreciate all they’ve done and all they will do in helping you out, but there must be boundaries. What you don’t want to happen is for resentment to develop to the point where you won’t receive anything from them and they won’t help you out when you really need it. There are some situations where both parties have a legitimate case. The solution is going to be finding a common ground. You can let your sisters know that you value them and you admire how well they’ve raised their children and if/when you need advice, they will be the first ones you come to! With that being said, honestly tell them how you feel. Let them know you’re an adult now and you’ve been taught by the very best(them), BUT they must trust that you know what you’re doing. Obviously you do...you did say your child is a year old right? :-) If your sisters really love you(which I’m sure they do), they will understand. Be prepared though, it may sting them at first because they may see it as rejection, but don’t let that move you(stay sweet, but be strong…they’ll come around). SN...I'm sure at times they have some great advice. With that being said...take what's good and save it for a rainy day, what's left over...throw away! :-) That piece of advice works with any relationship where the person has already walked the path you're on. Hope that helps! Will be praying that the relationship you have with your sisters will become even stronger! Have a blessed weekend!"

Readers, have you ever gotten unwanted advice? If so, how did you stop it?

I’ve been married for over 24 years to my husband, a pastor. I’ve worked alongside him in ministry full-time for over 17 years. During that time, we've pioneered two ministries and I've established a women’s ministry(Women of Excellence). We have three adult children and a son-in-law.  My areas of specialty are family, marriage and women’s issues. Hopefully the (Godly)wisdom I’ve learned through my years of experience will lead you to and keep you on the road to doing you well!  As my husband always says...why spend your life going down a road you don't have to travel, when someone else has already learned the lesson and can show you how to avoid that path.  

*Disclaimer*: I don't profess to be an expert, but what I have learned...I'm willing to share.  With that being said...what I write on my blog is my opinion and advice. It is not my counsel. This also applies to anyone writing on this blog. If someone uses any advice, opinion or recommendation from this blog and is upset, angered, or harmed in any way, I am not to be held responsible or be held liable in any way. What I write on this blog is not to be taken as fact or absolute. My intention is to do no harm. The content in this blog is the opinion of this blogger and is not intended to disparage or malign anyone or anything that has the ability to be offended. I am not responsible, nor will I be held liable, for anything anyone says on this blog in the blog comments.

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