"Michell's Weekly Pearl"...(Not Needed Anymore)

I missed you guys last week! As always, I thank you for joining me for another edition of  "Michell's Weekly Pearl", where I seek to use Godly wisdom to offer encouragement. If this is your first time visiting, let me tell you a little about my advice series. This is where you can ask me anything on marriage, women's issues, family matters, relationships, parenting, homemaking, or life in general. If you want an honest, biblically based, to the point answer; email me your questions via prowessandpearls@gmail.com (please put "MWP" in the subject area). I'll post your question, along with my answer, anonymously. Easy as that! I'll also delete your email once I've transferred your question. To read all the questions and answers in this series, you can do so (HERE).

 

Keep sending in those questions!!! In the meantime, read on to see what "Not Needed Anymore" asked...

 

Hi Michelle. I’ve been reading your column/series now for a while. I love the way you answer the questions, so I thought I’d write you. I’m at my wits end with disciplining. Our son won’t listen to anything I tell him anymore. It’s very frustrating because he listens to my husband, but not me. It’s as if he’s taken over and I no longer have any say so in how to raise our son. I feel as if I’m not needed any more and truth be told, that really hurts! I just don’t want to fight with my husband anymore about this and know we can come up with a solution, but it’s gotten to a point where my son sees us arguing about this all the time and that just hurts my heart. What advice can you give me on how to handle this tough situation? I’ll be waiting on your answer.

Hi “Not Needed Anymore”! Thanks for your question! It can be frustrating and being the mother of two sons(22 and almost 18), I feel you! It is hard letting go, because all of our sons’ lives, they have been our little boys! The old adage is true…”momma’s boys and daddy’s girls”! I’ve been a SAHM for some 18+ years and also homeschooled our kids during their earlier years of school. So I’ve been with them the majority of the time and letting go was very hard. But, it’s something that must be done in order for them to mature and grow.

Disciplining children should be a joint venture for both parents, however, children SHOULD NEVER get mixed signals! You and your husband should be a UNITED front. Children should never feel as if they can go to one parent over the other. As far as your husband taking over the disciplining of your son, I agree with him. Hear me out though. When my sons were in the age range of 10-13(critical ages), I noticed they started tuning me out when I would do my usually yelling at them. You know, the “go clean your room”, “don’t get up from the table until you’re finished”, “hurry up”, “did you do your homework”, type yelling. My husband “nicely” told me that I was going to have to stop that, because they were getting to an age where they were turning into young men and that it’s not in a man’s nature to be “bossed” around by a female. Not that I was bossing them around he said, but that’s how they heard it and instead of instruction, they perceived it as nagging. Now this was news to me, because I was use to just telling them what to do and them just doing it! This is why you have young men who at that age start to get annoyed by their mothers because their ears no longer hear sweet momma, but that lady who is constantly yelling, nagging and telling them what to do. Besides, there are just things that I, as a mother, cannot and will never be able to teach my sons about becoming a man, likewise with girls. When my daughter was that age, my husband did the same thing for her. He said he wasn’t able to teach her how to become a woman and she was at that age where she started getting emotional about everything, so I took over. Don’t get me wrong, we both still parented them, we just knew the psyche of our own gender and knew what worked and what didn’t. And contrary to popular belief, our roles as parents never go away just because our children become adults…we just parent from a different perspective.  We relied on the wisdom of God to discern when and how we disciplined them when they were going through those years. Yes, there will be times when you cross the line and you have to determine if this one is for dad or can I handle it. With that being said, you can slowly start to loosen the mothering strings and know that your son is in good hands with his dad. Is it easy…I’m not going to lie, it’s not. But it’s all a part of them developing and growing up. SN…for single moms and/or dads, who are raising kids of the opposite sex and you're having problems; find a “trustworthy” person in your life who can help impart into your son/daughter and give you advice on how to make that transition during that critical age period. I know many single mothers and fathers who have raised awesome kids and didn't have a problem at all, but for those who are having problems, it's okay to ask for help! Hope this helps…have a great weekend! Proverbs 22:6, Ephesians 6:4

Okay readers, what have been your experiences with raising the opposite sex?

I’ve been married for over 24 years to my husband, a pastor. I’ve worked alongside him in ministry full-time for over 17 years. During that time, we've pioneered two ministries and I've established a women’s ministry(Women of Excellence). We have three adult children and a son-in-law.  My areas of specialty are family, marriage and women’s issues. Hopefully the (Godly)wisdom I’ve learned through my years of experience will lead you to and keep you on the road to doing you well!  As my husband always says...why spend your life going down a road you don't have to travel, when someone else has already learned the lesson and can show you how to avoid that path.  

*Disclaimer*: I don't profess to be an expert, but what I have learned...I'm willing to share.  With that being said...what I write on my blog is my opinion and advice. It is not my counsel. This also applies to anyone writing on this blog. If someone uses any advice, opinion or recommendation from this blog and is upset, angered, or harmed in any way, I am not to be held responsible or be held liable in any way. What I write on this blog is not to be taken as fact or absolute. My intention is to do no harm. The content in this blog is the opinion of this blogger and is not intended to disparage or malign anyone or anything that has the ability to be offended. I am not responsible, nor will I be held liable, for anything anyone says on this blog in the blog comments.

All Rights Reserved copyright© 2012-2013 Michell Pulliam “Prowess and Pearls” by Michell Pulliam

 

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